I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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