i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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