We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
not ubering you a puppy
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
