We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
