Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We have so much sex to catch up on
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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