You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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