I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
