Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
