Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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