TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
