my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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