i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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