Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
