Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
