glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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