I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
