Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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