thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
