did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
