So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
