he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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