I want to stick my p in your. b.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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