she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
