my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
