EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
