remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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