Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
