After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
