so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
id be glad to
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
