in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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