he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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