i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
