alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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