absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
