Im at strip club and am horny
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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