just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
