I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
