Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
