It's Friday. Sex?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
