She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I yelled at your uterus for you.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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