Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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