Soap is not a condiment
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize