My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
