My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
