fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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