Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize