And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
