my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
