She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
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