im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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