this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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