He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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