I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
