is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
