also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
