I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
