It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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