The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
