I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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