Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
