And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
