I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize