i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
