My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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