i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
