White coat. Heels.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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