Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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