I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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