Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
