My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
