she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
