I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
