i can't believe i had my finger in that
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
