glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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