Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Is it because I queefed?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
