We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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