Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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