Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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