I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
