oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
