Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
