Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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