it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
