my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
