belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
