My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
