I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
