I'm so fucking centered right now
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
