It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
