I'm drive I can fine osifer
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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