My sheets look like a crime scene.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
