i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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