Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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