i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
