I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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