nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
