I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
All I want is dick and wine.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
