"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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