YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We talked him into tasing himself.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
