i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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