bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
