She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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