is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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