We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Are my feet made of real feet?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
