I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
