So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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