i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
