we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
