haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
