I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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