Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
