actually, I'm a sock model
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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