a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
